Recently, I had to get a criminal record check done for a placement, and it required you to list every place you’ve lived for the last five years. I ran out of space on the form when I was only halfway done. For the last 6 years of my life, I haven’t stayed anywhere for more than a year. Plus, I had to put down my parents address to fill in all the gaps for when I was travelling, primarily living in my car, or at a bush camp planting trees.
In this period of time, I’ve also had quite a variety in jobs and hobbies, and a few different partners, not to mention the friends I made and lost touch with along the way. I felt a pull to try as many different lifestyles as I could, not being prepared to commit to any one of them. But at the same time, I started craving the feeling of having a home. I just wasn’t sure where or how to make that happen yet. So this is a poem for people searching for a home or a path that makes them feel like they belong.
Running Away From a Home I Haven’t Yet Built
Some days I still feel like a kid with dolls,
make believing my way into other lives.
Let’s pretend to be a statistician,
nine to five thinking inside the box.
Let’s pretend to be a broke waitress
in a ski town,
in love and going nowhere.
I can’t tell if I’m chasing something
or running away.
Let’s play teacher.
Let’s play world traveler.
Let’s play falling in love with a girl
who isn’t sure how she feels
about rain.
When it rains it feels like
11 hours into a 12 hour drive,
the day before the big flight,
a university library full
of students who’d rather
be packing their bags for the holidays,
tasks for a tomorrow that never
seems right when it comes.
Let’s imagine I am the girl I fall in love with.
I haven’t yet been able to play
that one believable.
I run away from every home I start
to build. I am losing everyone
I could have been.
When I wonder what my life might have looked like
if I didn’t leave,
I remember
I did.
We are always gaining new things
to grieve, in every decision
we do not make.
But we are gaining ourselves, too.
We are gaining the tomorrow
of this life.
Today.
I hope you enjoyed this poem for people still searching for a place to call home.
Let me know if you can relate or what you think in the comments below!
Check out these other poems related to travelling:
- A Poem From Manang is a poem I wrote in Nepal about the uncertainty of life and love.
- A Travel Romance Poem: Love For a Moment is about similar themes, but more specifically about falling in love while travelling, knowing it won’t work out but doing it anyway.
- A Poem About a Once in a Lifetime Travel Moment is a poem about a magical moment in Laos that I didn’t get on camera, and how that affects the memory. There is actually a reference to this moment in Laos in the poem Love For a Moment as well.
- A Heartwarming Travel Poem About Guatemala is a poem about a travel moment in Flores Guatemala that gave me some insight about some of the cultural differences between Guatemala and North America.
- Silence is a poem about, well, silence and what it can represent. Not just silence in the literal sense, but silence as a feeling.
- Ocean Meditation explores all the things you can learn from the ocean and the feelings they bring up.
- Or check out more of my poetry here!
